Getting tired of hearing what I deserve from girls.

[Aldakoopa]

Sorry, I had a few drinks last night before I posted this thread.

You see, I'm stuck in a cycle. I'm fat, anxious, shy, depressed and lonely. I'm always told how I deserve to be happy and that a lucky girl will come along, but every time one does come along I'm either too shy to say anything or I get told again how I deserve to be happy, just not happy with them. Maybe if I wasn't so damn lonely and depressed I could get unfat and lose some of my anxiety and shyness.

I've seriously knocked on death's door over this issue. I seem to fall hard for any girl I find even remotely attractive that treats me like a human being. I'm scared of trying any more in fear that I'll be rejected again. I'd rather shoot myself in the face than to go through being rejected again by a girl I've fallen for.

I've always been shy and I fall hard for girls too. I used to be in the friend-zone of my current girlfriend... so it's not always impossible to get out of, but it's damn hard. I know it hurts wanting to be with someone that only sees you as a friend and rejects you because of that. I had already fallen for my current girlfriend more than a year before we started dating, and that entire time I felt rejected by her, but kept her as a close friend. It's been almost 2 years now since she finally gave in. You have to be persistent, but not in a way that seems creepy or stalker-ish... which is more difficult than it sounds.

 

[Wolfhound]

100% shy loner here. I was in a similar canoe without a paddle. When you least expect it & like a slap in the face from no where, someone will just appear in your life. I spent most of my life trying to find someone & then blindsided !
I was an ex outlaw biker, PTSD combat Vet & wound up meeting a lady that is still a dedicated Chrisitian who sings in the choir, leads Vacation Bible Schooll etc ! TOTAL opposites that randomly met & totally fell for each other.
Tough to put yourself out there for rejection but when you least expect it, BAM! You will meet Her! Confidence in what you have to offer looks VERY attractive when you find THE ONE ! Don't know your age but took me until 46 & 3rd marriage to find the right one...

 

[J T]

Only one thing worse than friendzone and that's "brotherzone."

"You're like a brother to me." Had a big crush on a girl many many years ago and that was the line she gave me.

 

[night train]

You won't get a girl if your so depressed and down on yourself. Women want a man who has there act together and not talkin about shooting themselves in the face!

 

[TMac]

I Was There A Few Times My Self In The Past! I Was Starting To Think That Every Woman I Liked Was Marred, Engaged Or Had A Boyfriend For Years And Is Living With Him.

 

[JimmyQ]

It's okay, my girlfriend broke up with me last night because I drive 3 hours to pick her up from a campsite that she was completely tanked at. But I guess that makes me an immature ******* in her eyes

 

[AndrewGS]

You won't get a girl if your so depressed and down on yourself. Women want a man who has there act together and not talkin about shooting themselves in the face!

Guess I'm doomed then because I've been clinically depressed since I was 11 and I don't have an act.

It's okay, my girlfriend broke up with me last night because I drive 3 hours to pick her up from a campsite that she was completely tanked at. But I guess that makes me an immature ******* in her eyes

Sorry man. Most modern girls are insane.

 

[JimmyQ]

You can say that again

 

[SSpeckerwood]

It's okay, my girlfriend broke up with me last night because I drive 3 hours to pick her up from a campsite that she was completely tanked at. But I guess that makes me an immature ******* in her eyes

Girls like that like it in the rear, but usually they don't know it so its up to you to surprise them with it. I know from experience. That will humble any woman. :banana:

 

[JimmyQ]

Girls like that like it in the rear, but usually they don't know it so its up to you to surprise them with it. I know from experience. That will humble any woman. :banana:

Hahahahaha

 

[pridkana]

Try not to fall for every girl...I know now you think how we all can be smart, but really try to change that. even if you don't know it, girls know that...in our eyes you seem like a desperate man trying to hold to anyone who will show a little bit of willingness. so that doesn't make any girl "special". I have put a lot of guys on friendship mode and was single for years, because I just didn't meet the right one, and wasn't able to just say goodbye.

what about a hobby? you know....to fill your mind and not to think about it all the time? and maybe meet someone with same interests?

 

[AustinK]

Sounds like you've been friendzoned

ill 2nd that i hate the damn friendzone and have been placed there to many times....

 

[dannigirl386]

Yay for drunk emotions! Happening to me a lot lately. Keep your head up it will work out with someone! It just really sucks having to start over after thinking they were the right one.

 

[Screamer4]

I was also the shy loner. I kept getting sucked into friend zone after friend zone. After one particularly rough rejection I pretty much just gave up looking and decided to just focus on my career and other aspects of my life and having fun. Then boom out of nowhere I met my now wife... we've been married 13yrs now. So don't let yourself get too down. Enjoy the freedom of singleness for a while. Travel, take up a hobby, etc.

 

[Sonic]

No Marriage.com

 

[Aldakoopa]

No Marriage.com

Bahaha! I wish I had read that before I married my (ex) wife.

 

[Preloader]

Human nature- you are going to find yourself more attracted to ppl that are completely wrong for you and will end up making you miserable.
Give someone that you are mildly attracted to a chance, it will give you a subtle boost in confidence and you'll be surprised at how quickly your previous obsessive crushes were only damaging your ego. opcorn:

 

[AndrewGS]

Give someone that you are mildly attracted to a chance, it will give you a subtle boost in confidence and you'll be surprised at how quickly your previous obsessive crushes were only damaging your ego. opcorn:

Tried that and it failed. She was a great person that I think really liked me, but I never thought it would get serious, so it didn't. Now that it's over I just think about how stupid I was for not making it more serious. I think that I'll never be so lucky again. I also still think of the girls of the past and the ones that I wanted to be with so badly. It did nothing for my confidence.

Sure had one hell of a good Valentine's Day that year though.

 

[Preloader]

Man I can tell you're really hard on yourself. I've dealt with depression since childhood myself, (had some ****ed up **** happen to me that really screwed me up) and I would build up this idea of how "happy" I would be if I could just be with "girl x". Well in the meantime I neglected taking the steps in forming a self-identity to achieve independent happiness.

I am genuinely trying to help you brother, I've come a long way back from hell, I've self mutilated, I've abused drugs (heavily), I've offered my self into slavery to a woman.
I had a life-defining moment one day when I overheard my father tell my mother that I was a lost cause. **** hurt. But it hurt in a way that I could not do to myself physically or behaviorally. It hurt because I had felt that I was a lost cause since I was 5.
I took that pain as a critical fork to my future. Nothing I was doing was working or getting me anywhere, so I decided to make an honest attempt to change everything.... at least long enough to see if it would matter. I chose a year.

I ended things with my girlfriend, who was attractive as hell, but hollow as hole. I stopped eating any fast-food that came in a bag. I started going to the gym 5 days a week. And I just completely stopped even looking at chicks because I knew that they weren't going to have any bearing on my self happiness.

This was all about four years ago and I haven't looked back. It was hard for the first couple months, but after about three months, the results were undeniable. Now everyday I can't wait to get out of bed (4am) and start enjoying every minute. Sure I still get depression episodes, but I know how to cope now and know that how I used to cope only made it worse.

I know you are not a lost cause Andrew. I've seen your build thread. The amount of effort and research and detail you are putting into that little hog tells me that your depression hasn't gotten the best of you. It may be time to apply a little critical thinking to your life, habits and behaviors. I'm sure you can figure out the correct resistor values, relays and momentary switches to get your life's potentiometer red-lining. (cheesy analogy but you get the idea)

I hope this is helpful.

--Vince

 

[AndrewGS]

Thanks, Vince. I appreciate the advice from someone who has actually been through it.

Truth is, I know what I need to do and should do, I've been told all my life. I have tried many, many times to overcome my problems, even trying to tackle them one at a time, but I always end up back where I started or worse. After all these years I just give up hope and quit trying. I struggle daily with thoughts of forfeiting the rest of my life, but my fear of the unknown and the guilt of what it would do to my parents keeps me from pulling the trigger.

This year I was going to go on an all-juice diet. I bought an expensive juicer, loaded up on produce and told myself that I was finally going to change my life. Two days in was Valentine's Day. I sent a dozen roses to a girl I liked who was going to school in Sweden, asking her if she'd be my Valentine. I'd known this girl over the internet for almost 5 years, but that day she decided to lay it out to me that she wasn't interested, had been seeing someone without telling me and that I wasted my money. 5 years of getting to know her and falling for her, all ending abruptly on Valentine's Day. There went the diet and any other hopes I had.

I won't even tell the lengthy story of Katie, the girl that took my heart out of the wrapper, chewed on it and stuck it under her shoe to walk on. That was 8 years of my life.

I live life by the day, not looking into the future more than a few weeks. I eat every meal as if it's my last, not knowing if I'm going to make it to the next one. I can't hold a job, I can't hold a hobby for long, I can't read a book because I lose myself. The automobile is the only thing in the world that continues to hold my interest after all these years, but now I find myself struggling to keep interested in even that.

I really do appreciate the replies.